Let’s just put Meredith Viera in charge and get this over with, shall we? A million debates and we still need voters to tell us that Newt Gingrich is a nut job? It would be so much easier – and cheaper – if we just made this primary thing into reality TV show. Something like a hybrid of Who Wants to be a Millionaire, American Idol and American’s Next Iron Chef – we can charge people to text in their votes and sell commercial time (Lowe’s still has some money to spend after pulling out of All-American Muslim, right?). Talk about capitalism at work! Come to think of it we can even use some of those contestants as fillers – a little (okay, maybe a lot) Mario Batali here, and a Geoffrey Zakarian in the competition would give the candidates a little perspective. Each week they send them to a different state for a challenge – butter sculpting at the Iowa State Fair or a square dance at the South Carolina State Capitol – and then there’s a local fare tasting and a foreign and domestic policy quiz at the end. I’m perfectly happy to let Meredith and pal Alton Brown tally the votes and send someone home every week – the two finalists get to go to the convention.
Who’s with me?